My perspective of God and His Kingdom has been slowly changing for a while. It is changing back to something familiar, but something that I seemed to have lost track of a while ago.
Somewhere along my journey, I started living for me again instead of living for God. I started thinking about my mission instead of God’s mission. I forgot that I am a servant to the Kingdom and not a King. My own ideas may be good, but they are not God’s so they will always fall short of what He has planned for me. I have been wasting my time on myself instead of paying attention to how I can better serve God’s Kingdom right where I am at. Instead of wondering or worrying about what is next, I should be looking at what is happening today. Do I really believe that God would put me in a job that did not serve some kind of purpose? I have been selfish in thinking that it somehow has to serve me. Maybe I am here now to serve someone else. I have totally not been attentive to any of that. How many people or opportunities have I missed to serve the Kingdom because I have been blind to my own selfish desires?
To modify a quote from Chris Farley in Tommy Boy – I SUCK as a Christian!
I have a feeling that I will continue to have to fight these feelings of rebelliousness and need for independence. But I consider it a small victory having identified this as an issue. I am so glad that I have Jesus because there is no way I could ever do this on my own.
Back on the loss side this week but not great. Actually I was worried that I was going to gain again because I did not do very well with my workouts. Some things are getting easier and others harder. My biggest struggle right now is controlling what I eat at times. Sometimes I feel like I am never full, but I know I have to stop eating and it can be difficult sometimes. It was definitely a lot easier when I was 16. Turning 31 on Sunday.
Today, pitchers and catchers reported. There is a couple of feet of snow on the ground outside. I am tired of shoveling the stuff into the already massive piles on the sides of my driveway. Football is over and I wouldn't miss the NBA if it went away. It will be a month before college basketball heats up. I am looking for the warm weather and some sunshine. I have had enough winter in the last two weeks to last me for a few years. Can someone tell the ground hog that his shadow will not hurt him. Not sure how he sees it when the sun isn't ever out anyway. Anyone want to pay to send me to Spring Training in Arizona or anywhere that is warm? Spring come quickly and relieve us from winter so I can cook meat outside and enjoy a hot dog at the ball park.
I had another gaining week. Can I blame it on Super Bowl snacks? Ok, so I am not discouraged and will continue to stay on top of it. I can see a lot of ways to improve, but it is no easy task. I think though little by little as long as I stick with it, things will get better and the weight will keep coming off. Sorry for the late post. I have been a little busy the past couple of days.
I am not always a very patient person. When it comes to something that I want in my life, I can be straight up impatient. They say that you should wait patiently, but I tend to wait impatiently and it can drive me crazy. My attitude toward the situation will in no way make something come faster, but my attitude can make the time pass better.
When I was in college, I was impatiently waiting and actively looking for the girl of my dreams so that I could fall in love, get married, and live happily ever after as the story goes. It took a lot longer than I wanted it to and I could have made some early decisions to get what I thought I wanted only to find myself in a mess. By allowing God to work it out in His perfect timing, things really worked out perfectly. But because of my impatience I had to deal with some pain before the good parts came.
I was reading Exodus 32 the other day and in the first couple of verses I learned that the reason the Israelites made the golden calf was because they were tired of waiting for Moses to come back down the mountain. I used think that the Israelites were weak for turning so quickly, but I knew the end of the story. I also see myself doing the exact same thing in my own life. Scripture smacked me in the face again. I often dream of the future and what is next in my life and that is fine until I start ignoring what I am supposed to be doing right now.
Do you spend too much time thinking about what is next in your life and how to get there instead of dealing with where God has you right now? Let me encourage you and myself at the same time by saying that God has tomorrow handled. Its okay to dream, but don’t forget about the present.
I also wanted to share the lyrics from a song called Something Beautiful by Need to Breathe because this song was encouraging to me.
Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire, ’cause I just want something beautiful
To touch me, I know that I’m in reach
‘Cause I am down on my knees.
I’m waiting for something beautiful
Oh, something beautiful
Here is a little trailer preview of the new tobyMac album that comes out on Tuesday. Also if you are interested, Air 1 Radio will be playing through the whole album on Monday night at 8 PM EST. Check for Air 1 Radio in your area.
Have you ever attended a church where the service, celebration, Sunday school, small group, ministries, and meetings all became so similar and predictable that your heart and your mind begin to get numb to it? Have you ever felt like a zombie? I have been a part of many different churches and ministries in the past 12 years and I have seen this all over the place. Maybe I am just the sort of person who needs to have occasional changes in my life to keep things exciting and new. When I begin to feel the numbness with a ministry I am involved in, I feel that something must shift or change to keep my interest and passion in it. Everywhere I have ever gone in ministry, school, or a job, I have found myself in the role of a change agent. At first it sounds really cool, but I have met more opposition than support when I begin expressing my desires for change. It often feels like I am beating on a brick wall when I encounter opposition and it can be lonely some times. You would think that after a while I would give up. I think that for a time I did give up in certain areas of my life. But after a while, the fire rages inside of me and I have to act. This is the way that I am wired. I don’t like being a zombie and I want to free other zombies so that we can experience a full and rich life with a true, connected, and authentic relationship with God. I am a zombie killer. I want to break the shell that you are in. I want to peel away the layers so that you can breathe fresh clean air. I know this freedom and I will stop at nothing to share that with other people.
It was a much better week this week. Exercise was up this week and snacking was down. I have less than a month to reach my goal at 250. I only have to lose a little under 25 lbs to get there. I still think it is attainable if I can keep from straying too far. The Super Bowl Party this weekend could pose a challenge, but I hope that it does not throw me off track too far. It feels good to be back on track.
