My perspective of God and His Kingdom has been slowly changing for a while. It is changing back to something familiar, but something that I seemed to have lost track of a while ago.
Somewhere along my journey, I started living for me again instead of living for God. I started thinking about my mission instead of God’s mission. I forgot that I am a servant to the Kingdom and not a King. My own ideas may be good, but they are not God’s so they will always fall short of what He has planned for me. I have been wasting my time on myself instead of paying attention to how I can better serve God’s Kingdom right where I am at. Instead of wondering or worrying about what is next, I should be looking at what is happening today. Do I really believe that God would put me in a job that did not serve some kind of purpose? I have been selfish in thinking that it somehow has to serve me. Maybe I am here now to serve someone else. I have totally not been attentive to any of that. How many people or opportunities have I missed to serve the Kingdom because I have been blind to my own selfish desires?
To modify a quote from Chris Farley in Tommy Boy – I SUCK as a Christian!
I have a feeling that I will continue to have to fight these feelings of rebelliousness and need for independence. But I consider it a small victory having identified this as an issue. I am so glad that I have Jesus because there is no way I could ever do this on my own.
Are you living for God today, or for yourself?
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